See also:
Those who study the stories and myths we tell point out that they often share remarkable similarities. They very often involve a separation from home, a test of character, and then a return home with new wisdom or strength. One of these transformative trials comes when we lose someone we truly and deeply love. Those who have known grief understand something more about life. When we suffer the loss of someone we love, we know what it means to be left alone and behind.
So, how would I wish to be remembered? Something like the following: I met my obligations; I kept my promises. I never hurt anyone intentionally. I was honest in my dealings. I never made a fortune, but it was enough to support my wife and children; I tried to be there for my parents towards the end of their lives.
We lived well and stayed active as we can. We’re both still healthy, and we’ve made provisions for when we’re not. It hasn’t been a bed of roses, but it’s had its high spots. All in all, it’s been OK.
And what do I still have to work on, in therapy or through other means? At least the following:
- Giving:
- Self-acceptance:
- Skill:
- Achievement.
And I need to beware of just fading into my “shadow career”. The idea comes from Steven Pressfield: “Sometimes, when we’re terrified of embracing our true calling, we’ll pursue a shadow calling instead. The shadow career is a metaphor for our real career. Its shape is similar, its contours feel tantalizingly the same. But a shadow career entails no real risk. If we fail at a shadow career, the consequences are meaningless to us."
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In the last months of his life, a physically weakened Christopher Hitchens travelled to the Texas Freethought Convention and while there, an eight-year-old girl asked Hitchens what books she should consider reading. Intrigued, Hitchens spent 15 minutes chatting with the youngster and sketching out a reading list (below). His last words to her? "Lots of love...remember the love bit..."
- Robert Graves’ The Greek Myths (it turned out the girl was already a big fan of I, Claudius).
- Richard Dawkins’ illustrated science book, The Magic of Reality.
- Any satirical works by Shakespeare and Chaucer.
- Ayaan Hirsi Ali’s Nomad: From Islam to America: A Personal Journey Through the Clash of Civilizations (to explain what it could be like for young women to grow up in this world).
- A Tale of Two Cities in particular, and any Dickens in general, since Dickens teaches children to love reading.
- Something by P.G. Wodehouse, such as Sunset at Blandings.
- And, when it comes to philosophy, David Hume.